Tips Before Dating
The feeling of being in love is the most wonderful feeling in the world. Being-in-love can be a roller coaster ride too - I think this is an indication that a relationship is based on an unconscious need which is not helpful but it can be worked on if the person or each of the couple is willing to grow, mature and be self-sufficient. I think maturity and self sufficiency is critical before entering a committed relationship. Self sufficient - financially, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. You might say - Grace, that is too much to ask. Well, marriage is a humongous undertaking - better take it seriously.
Moving on, a relationship based on need is selfish - the person is into it for his or her own need. But the call of being in a relationship is to love. Love is desiring what is good for the beloved. Not what is good only for you. Though when we are in a genuine love relationship - the couple nourishes each other. And as we nourish our beloved - we ourselves are nourished.
Now the point being is when we are young - there is a tendency to rush on things or instant gratification and a tendency to do things based on what we feel at the moment. It is quite normal for a young person or even for adults too. Don’t get me wrong… feelings are important. It is a gauge for us to know that the situation affirms or violates our core values. If the situation makes us happy, it affirms our core values and if we are sad, frustrated or angry - it violates it.
The invitation is to not rush doing things based on what you need and long for. Also, not based on what you initially think and immediate feeling about it especially when its a major decision in life. Be formed and informed before making decisions.
What might be the consequence if you enter into a commitment that you are not truly ready for - you will just face challenges that will invite you to learn, grow and mature. And love. And stretch. I thought I was well ready when I got married but there are still opportunities that comes my way to grow and love.
My Life’s Lessons
Discover your true identity first - if not you might just be living the identity of the other. There will come a time that you will not be happy because it is not the real you. If not this - you will feel lost and confused.
Study first and study well. Don’t cheat on your exams - you‘re just doing a disservice to yourself. Better repeat the whole course. It is embarrassing but you will learn and understand more. A missed semester is better than years of lack of knowledge and understanding. Knowledge is power.
Enjoy having good, healthy and platonic friendships. Try it - it is a happy place to be.
Enjoy being single first. Learn to take care of yourself in a healthy way before you commit to take care of another person.