Secured vs Sheltered
Updated: Mar 25, 2022
My sister and I agreed that we had a sheltered life - protected from difficulties and unpleasant realities. Our parents were always there for us in all the challenges that we faced even as adults. We felt secured and safe when they were alive. We felt that we could face any difficulties in life. I even convinced myself that I was self-sufficient and independent. Until the day our father passed away and in short order our mother followed suit. That’s the time our eyes were opened to the real realities of life. Oh my - we were so unprepared. I myself felt lost and confused. We were forced to mature fast. And consider this, we have our own families already. Talk about late bloomers. I am grateful that our family-of-origin is our circle-of-love-and-strength (coined by my sister Rin). We are here for each other.
My sister and I hoped that our parents prepared and coached us more to solve our own problems without them being hands-on with solutions. Our parents loved us and they wanted to protect us. And I am very grateful that our parents provided a safe and loving home. But I realized that as we ourselves raised our own children - the balance of holding on and letting go needs to be part of the process. And of course age-appropriate. It is good that there are more resources available now to help us parent. Dear parents, it starts with us. We are responsible for our children - to raise them as a good, responsible, healthy children of God. And they learn it as we model it.
My Life’s Lessons:
Work on our issues and needs first before we have children because if not we might project to them what we need and not necessarily what they truly need.
Read Erik Erikson’s 8 Stages of Human Development. Very helpful. There are adult retreats on healing the 8 Stages of Life. It helped me tremendously.
We are first and foremost parents to our children. We have the wisdom. I hope we do. Discipline is important. And there is a humongous difference between discipline and abuse. Reward your children when they did good. Don’t reward them if they are misbehaving. There is a tendency for us to pacify them and give them what they want even if it is not good for them when they are acting-out especially in public. Let us be mindful of the long term consequences.
We will not be here for our kids forever - one day we will pass-away. Let us prepare them. Let us love them every single moment - this will be there go-to place when we are gone.